12/16/2023 0 Comments Aladin rotten tomatoes 2019NC: At first, I thought, "This is actually gonna do things right." Genie: (singing) There's a road that may lead you to good or to greed through the power your wishing commands. As the credits roll, it expands on the song, adding different melodies and mixing up the orchestration, while also showing us Agrabah and introducing us to our main characters. NC (vo): Yeah, Will Smith's singing isn't that great, but I will give credit, this version of "Arabian Nights" is actually pretty solid. (Footage focusing on the "Arabian Nights" opening sequence is shown, showcasing the city of Agrabah in great detail and introducing a majority of the main characters briefly throughout) (as Genie, grabbing the CD soundtrack of the original film) Listening to that shit again, huh? Whoopsie! (Throws the CD away, as a splash is heard) NC: (as a young kid) Really? I hear they cut off your ear if they don't like your face. Where you wander among every culture and tongue. (To introduce the story, the Genie starts singing "Arabian Nights") (The image of the news report of fans' mixed reactions to the film's version of "Prince Ali" is shown briefly again, until we are suddenly shown an image of another news report praising Will Smith's singing skills of a Spanish performance of "La Bamba", stunning NC) Oh, we don't now! Can you give me the memo of Smith things we like and Smith things we don't like? (Posters of Men in Black 3 and Collateral Beauty are shown) Genie: I think it's time that I told you the story. (Speaks normally as a clip from the original is shown alongside the remake's opening shot) I mean, okay, in this case, it does, but I got paid a lot of money for this! NC: (as Genie) Look, just because something is clearly animated doesn't make it better. Lian: I'd be so happy if ours was that fancy. NC (vo): Two kids on a smaller ship admire the Black Pearl, as their father, played by Will Smith, says it's not worth the staring. (In a smaller ship next to the big ship, two kids speak with their father, who is actually the human form of the Genie) In a Disney remake, that's like seeing a leprechaun feed a unicorn fresh Easter Bunny. NC: (emotionless) You know what? It's different. NC (vo): So we start off this Arabian Night with.a pirate ship. (The film opens on a large ship sailing in the sea) where were you guys?! YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD! (Immediately calms down and resumes his opening sentence). (An image of a news report of fans' mixed reactions to the film's version of "Prince Ali" is shown). NC: Let's take a look at the crowd-pleasing box office remake. (Images of several Disney's live-action remakes and reimagings are shown) (Images of several classic Disney animated features are shown). I'm gonna try and figure out why this movie is beloved by so many, while giving the point of view of a douchebag who likes it when Disney, you know.Disneys. NC: (acting as a nervous film buff pointing to posters of the remake and the original Aladdin ) But it.looks like thing I associate with good, so must have substance. You're forgetting the flat lead, lame villain, boring comedy, and complete lack of anything fresh and memorable that made the original a household classic. But to the film's credit, there is a lot more to it than just an awkwardly animated Fresh Prince of Booberry. NC (vo): Yep, despite mixed critical reviews, crowds once again seemed to love Disney shit being shoveled right back into their mouths. totally gonna be duped again! (An image of the film's Rotten Tomatoes score, 57% for critics and 94% for audiences, is shown) As a crowd that's been duped a million times in the past, we're. his Shark Taleanimation look like Paddington! (Images of Oscar from Shark Tale and Paddington from the 2014 film are shown) This is the less awkward Genie? Well, let me tell you. NC: (jumps in fright) Christ! He's making. NC (vo beginning to be creeped out at the Genie's appearance): Um.oh, God! NC (vo): Then when they saw he was blue, but awkwardly computer-generated, people freaked again, with Disney reassuring folks that he will look less awkward in the final film. (Footage of the Genie, portrayed by Will Smith, is shown) NC: Clearly, the biggest problem this movie could face! At first, audiences were angry he appeared not to be blue. The funny thing about this one was, people were kind of on to it at first, especially with the portrayal of the Genie. NC (vo): In the ongoing need to suck nostalgia's withering teat, Disney offers us its latest multi-million dollar budget table scraps. (The title of the 2019 Disney live-action remake is shown, before showing various footage) If it's not broke, Disney's remake of Aladdinsucks. (We see the Channel Awesome logo and the show opening, before cutting to NC in his room)
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